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Mar 31, 2024 06:00am

Shaped by Sorrow

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For the most part, the human experience is often marked by mankind seeking out pleasures and treasures. While attractive on the surface and momentarily focusing our attention on something pleasing, satisfying our desires with pleasurable things is not nearly as powerful at shaping our conduct as sorrow can be. Obviously, this is not a very popular concept, and I’m not at all suggesting that you seek out sorrow purposefully. But I am suggesting that if we can reframe our sorrows with a scriptural perspective, they can be used by God to shape us as they should.

Of course, Ecclesiastes has some things to say about this since it is about shaping life so that all is not ‘vanity’ or a waste. Ecclesiastes 7:2- says, “Better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men; and the living will take it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance, the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure”.

Psalm 90:12, 14 is in the middle of a prayer by Moses as he asks God to “teach us to number our days that we may gain wisdom…let us be satisfied with your mercy so that we may rejoice and be glad all our days”. These passages indicate to us that there are benefits to our suffering that God can use to grow us in holiness.

Let’s face it: most of the time, when we are suffering, it is difficult to think about its potential to change us. Mourning is actually the after-effects of sin and suffering and the part of suffering that we often refuse. However, if we engage with sorrow, there is much to gain. Change is otherwise very difficult when we are relying solely on our will to accomplish it.

In II Corinthians 7:8-11, Paul is addressing the church at Corinth, and he is letting them know he is sad that he had to be harsh with them in his previous letter, but he doesn’t regret having been harsh with them because “Godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted, but worldly sorrow leads to death.” In this case, the sorrow comes as a result of discipline, so the mourning that comes after is over their own sin. Psalm 51 says that God will not despise a broken and contrite heart, and Psalm 34 says God will be near to the broken and save the contrite. The problem is when we avoid the brokenness, humility, and mourning over our sin, we cannot receive mercy, we cannot receive comfort, and we cannot receive guidance from the Holy Spirit because our hearts are hard toward him. I have also witnessed people who hang onto guilt over sin but refuse to acknowledge it to those whom they have harmed in the process, and, by doing this, they are never even given an opportunity for mercy and forgiveness to bring them healing.

But our own sinfulness is not the only sorrow that can shape us in righteous living. Psalm 119:28-88 contains a long list of possibilities that can be gained from sorrow. Many I have seen over the years as I walk with them through sorrow have demonstrated exactly what Psalm 119 teaches us. I’d like to share a few examples with you.

The Psalmist begins in v. 28 by saying his soul is weary with sorrow and requests God would strengthen him by His Word. If you are in sorrow today such that your soul feels weary, a prayer to God for strength as you trust fully in Him and look to His promise to always be with you can be the difference between hopelessness and strength to endure. When God spoke to Paul in II Corinthians 12:9, saying, “My grace is sufficient for you” in suffering, Paul states what he learned from it, “therefore I will glory in my weakness so that the power of God can rest on me” Paul learned to endure by trusting God ‘s strength and grace alone rather than his own.

The Psalmist also begs God to keep him from deceit and shame. If you are struggling with the shame of deceit, I can tell you that an honest and broken confession to God and those you are deceiving will begin the healing process. By mourning this sin, you can learn how precious the guidance of God’s Word can be and treasure faithfulness in all your relationships.

The Psalmist also asks God to help him turn his eyes away from worthless things, spare him the disgrace, and teach him to value God’s laws more than selfish gain. If you are struggling to keep your eyes and heart fixed on God and are distracted by things that feed your desires rather than honoring God, please know that you are not alone and out of God’s reach. Through His Spirit and His Word, God can show you that He can be enough to satisfy you and that obedience to His commands brings freedom, hope, and peace.

I don’t have enough space to tell you all that the Psalmist learned, but I will give you just a few conclusions to show some of the possibilities for how sorrow can shape us. “My comfort in suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. You are my portion, O Lord, and I have promised to obey Your Word. You are good, and what You do is good. May Your unfailing love be my comfort… All Your commands are trustworthy”. If you find yourself in a place of sorrow or suffering, I pray that you will engage with the grief and allow God to teach you and shape you as only He can.