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Apr 29, 2025 18:00pm

Letters to My Children: Making Hard Decisions

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To My Children,

You’re reaching the point in life where you are going to have to make tough decisions. By “tough,” I don’t mean bad—I simply mean they are bigger decisions than you’ve had to make before, which means bigger implications for your life. Decisions about if you will go to college, where you will go to college, what kind of career path to follow, who you will marry (if you decide to get married), where to live, etc. These types of decisions can feel overwhelming because they are shaping your future. There’s fear of making the wrong choice. So how do you decide?

First, examine through study and prayer if your choice would be violating a clear command or principle of Scripture. A command is when God says “Do this,” or “Don’t do that.” Think, “Don’t lie” or “Love your neighbor.” Principles are godly patterns of wisdom we see in the Bible. Think, “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man” (Proverbs 6:10–11). If your choice would go against God’s commandments, then you should definitely not do it because you would be in sin. If it goes against a principle, while it wouldn’t necessarily be sin, you should be severely cautious about doing it as you may start to stray off the path of God’s Word.

Some practical examples of this in decision-making would be: if you’re thinking about who you should marry, and you know the Bible says “do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever” (2 Corinthians 6:14), then marrying someone who doesn’t believe in Christ as their Savior should be out of the question. If you’re trying to decide between two colleges—one really expensive one and the other less expensive—and you know God wants us to be good stewards of the money He has given us (or of your parents’ money), which choice would be wiser? The one that will immediately put you in thousands of dollars of debt upon graduation, or the one that you could work to pay for while you are in school? Neither one of those choices is inherently sinful, but there is wisdom from the Word to consider.

Secondly, will the choice help you grow to become more like Christ? Part of the Christian life is sanctification—growing in maturity of faith to the full stature of Christ, or becoming less like the world and more like Jesus (Ephesians 4:13–14; Romans 12:2). A practical example of using this to help you make decisions would be in choosing which school to go to or where to live for your job. Does the school you want to attend or the city where you want to take a job have a healthy, gospel-preaching church nearby that can disciple you and help you grow and stay strong in your faith? Or would you be isolating yourself from the fellowship of believers who can help spur you on to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24–25)? That may be the last thing people think about when they make choices like these (if they even think about it at all), but it is extremely important.

Another thing to consider is: Have you sought godly wisdom from older, trusted Christians? Remember my last letter about listening to advice? They may have lots of life experience and spiritual wisdom to impart from years of doing the very things you are seeking to do. Learn from them.

Finally, and most importantly, remember in all your decisions, that God is sovereign. “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). He will take you where He wants you to go, to the people He wants you to meet, and fulfill the plans He has for you, all with His good for you in mind. You can’t mess this up. Even when people in the Bible made bad choices (or had choices made for them that they couldn’t control), God’s purposes were never challenged or changed. So you are free to decide and trust the outcome to God. “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:6).

I love you. Grow in godliness and in your love for God.