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Dec 22, 2023 06:00am

Languishing

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I am in a miserable state. I haven’t read my Bible in days. Everything feels stale. I’m taking a new medication that is making me tired, so my motivation is low. I want to stay under my covers and sleep, and when I wake up, I want to scroll. My family is eating processed food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I’m in a bad mood–everyone and everything is making me angry. And here I am wanting to offer words of hope.

Would someone tell me how to get out of my slump so I can find happiness again?

It is shocking to me how I too often forget. A couple of weeks ago, I vividly remember that I was thriving. I know I was because my journal says so.

I felt so good that I wrote down what I was doing:
Went to bed early.
Got up and got ready for the day.
Went for a ten-minute walk.
Got into the sunshine because sunshine is medicine.
Drank my water.
Read my Bible.
Read a book.
Laughed with my kids.

Now, all I want to do is stay in bed and languish in depression. But I don’t think anyone wants to hear about that because it’s so…depressing. The best I did today was a hot shower, clean clothes, and a haphazard walk around the block—nothing vigorous or anything, just a slow movement of my body. You can say I got out into the sunshine, even though the sky was overcast. It matched my mood. My weight is rising, and my bank account is shrinking. The pull of life stretches me in every direction, and I feel the thin spaces wearing me down. All I want to do is escape into sleep or a screen.

I medicate with the allure of escape. Sitting here with you, we both know it is a scam; the way too much sleep and too many screens promise life but produce death, but I give into it anyway. Bad habits chain me into perpetual lethargy. Merry Christmas! Aren’t you glad you stopped by for a read? Am I a hopeless cause? My fallen emotions are telling me this is just how it is and how it will be from now on. We are going on a Christmas day trip tomorrow, and I want to spend money we don’t have on a Christmas sweater I don’t need because it seems like that will lift my mood. The sweater says Holly Jolly, so surely? The gifts under the tree seem lackluster. Every white elephant gift exchange is filled with junk we don’t want or need. I ate a sugar cookie yesterday, even though I’ve been off sugar for three years. It was good. Really good.

This week, I heard someone say that two-thirds of the Psalms are lament. That shocked me because that’s a pretty high ratio. Maybe I should hang out in the Psalms and see if I can find good company…someone who will remind me of the truth I need to hear. I don’t know if I’ll share this post or tuck it away in the archives. Maybe I’ll get the courage to let others into my unedited life. I pray this doesn’t resonate with you, and you are well. However, if my current state of affairs feels familiar, I give you my lament. Here are some Psalms of lament to get you going. I guarantee you will find solace in the words of these Scriptures. I promise you will not feel so alone, and I promise you will see hope break through the darkness. Here is a week’s worth to give you a place to go in Scripture this week:
Psalms 3, Psalms 4, Psalms 13, Psalms 22, Psalms 55, Psalms 69, Psalms 142.

Along with the gift of these Scriptures, revisit the things you know bring life to your soul: Open the blinds, take a shower, put on clean clothes, eat an apple, and pour a tall glass of water. Read the Psalms I shared. And I’m convinced that just as I did, you will find Jesus in those pages, on every page really. And He understands. He is waiting to receive you. It is the season of Advent. He is coming! And when He does, light breaks into the darkness!