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May 05, 2024 06:00am

Cheerleader

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I saw something last night that brought back a memory…one I probably wouldn’t willingly draw out of that deep old well. But, that’s the funny thing about memories. We don’t always really get to choose which ones float to the top. I was watching American Idol, and, like I always do when I watch this show, I cried with all of the contestants who became overwhelmed with emotion, those who had sweet stories, the ones with heart-breaking back stories, or pretty much anyone who showed emotion at all.

I was transported to cheer tryouts in the Sumrall High School gymnasium circa 1995, I think. I was interested in almost every opportunity that came my way back then. I signed up for every club or activity, and I usually ran for some office in the club while I was at it. Mind you, I was not particularly knowledgeable or talented at most of these activities, but, man, I had a lot of fun anyway. I was never the top performer, but I often got the “best supporter from the dugout” type of awards. So, when I saw an opportunity to try cheerleading, that was a no-brainer. I had zero experience and even less rhythm. But, did that slow me down? No way, Jose.

Let me tell you, cheerleading is way harder than my naïve self expected. The further I worked into the week of tryouts, the more I really wanted to make it. So, on the day of the actual make it or break it tryouts, I went onto that gym floor a ball of emotions. I have no idea what I looked like out there, but I am 100% confident the judges made the right call when they passed me up. I was not ready. I knew that. But, when they made the announcements, and I didn’t make it…I released such a big ball of uncontrollable cry-baby-ness right there on that floor in front of everyone. I was mortified with myself, but I could not will myself to behave like a normal human being. Even today, maaaaany years later, I cringe a little.

It got me thinking about how, most of the time, as my very smart sister-in-law reminds me often, “the thing is not the thing.” That day on that gym floor, I was disappointed in myself. I wanted to belong somewhere where I had not yet earned a spot. I knew I should have put in more effort, and I was just so embarrassed.

I did learn from my humiliating experience. The next year, I signed myself up for cheer tryouts again. That time around, I spent every spare second that whole week taking over my mama’s big bathroom mirror-rehearsing motions, doing toe touches until I could hardly jump, and practicing cheers so much everyone in my house could have made the team. I tried not to think about how many of those girls at the tryouts saw my emotional show the previous year, and I just focused on giving this opportunity the effort it deserved. I made the team that time, but I think, had I not made it, I might have been able to take the rejection without losing my mind in front of everyone. Why? Because I knew I had given it my all that time around.

How many times do I get so blind-sided by things that aren’t really the thing?! Emotions can be so powerful. They can be a beautiful reflection, a tool to alert me to look for the “thing” that is the thing. They can also distract me from truth. They can keep me from enjoying sweet moments my emotions block out, having clear communication, hearing truth, absorbing the fullness of the experience. When emotion leads, I can get turned around real fast. I have to remember not to allow my heart to be the boss.

That sounds weird, because we get the opposite message everywhere we turn. “Follow your heart.” “Do what makes you happy.” That is so dangerous, though. If I just follow my emotions, I’m going to be all over the place, and I will ultimately be very disappointed. Hangry emotions, fear, perceptions, misunderstandings…my emotions are not trustworthy guides to follow. They often disguise the real thing for other things.

“”The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.””
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:9-10‬ ‭MSG‬‬

“Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s emotions, better than capturing a city.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:32‬ ‭CSB‬‬