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Jan 06, 2025 18:00pm

Better

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A new year begins, and I can feel it in the air all around me, the expectation surrounds and fills my thoughts. I physically feel my soul reacting to this intellectual precipice as I look back and teeter on the edge of projection. What can I do better this time? As if the date on the calendar holds the power to reset, I race to evaluate and formulate a plan for a “better me”. The list is infinite, the swirl of shortfallings quickly gains speed and deafens my mind to productivity-logic-reality. After a lengthy stay of defeat, I look at the account I have scribbled out, and I try to visualize this “better me” on the other side of the expectant list.

This woman-she is perfectly organized in home and mind, manages her time beautifully-with grace and ease, wakes up rested, with more than enough time to make herself presentable, have a meaningful quiet time, with ample devotion to prayer. She creates exquisite breakfasts each morning, chocked full of hidden vitamins and minerals to fuel her family and get their day started off right. She makes time to thoughtfully prepare tokens of affection for each family member to speak to his or her individual love language, filling everyone’s love tank to the top. She checks in and provides accountability and guidance for each child’s spiritual health and prays Scripture over her husband before he heads out. And all of this before this “ideal me” even starts the brunt of her day.

I feel God whispering to me. What is this list really about? I scan the messy inventory and realize it is all about me, my ability, my competence. How can I be better-do better?

I take my dejected heart to Jesus, and I ask HIM how I could be better-how I should approach this idea of evaluating and setting goals. He reminds me in Psalm 20:4 that He will give me the desires of my heart. He will open my heart to His desires. In Luke 14:28, He addresses the importance of making plans. He doesn’t say I should just go all free for all-never thinking ahead, never evaluating and seeking ways to move forward in His wisdom. He is a God of order. It just needs to be His order, not mine. He reminds me that life is a mist that appears for just a little time before it vanishes in James 4:13-15. Life is too short to allow the ideas I have of perfection to be what actually drives me. His plans for me are for a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).Throughout Scripture I see God instructing His people to follow specific instructions. He does not frown upon planning, as long as those plans are directed by Him.

God started replacing the shame I felt about my never-ending list of failures, and he moved me to BE better. I will never achieve perfection, and that picture of the woman who defeated the list I had in my mind would never really be anywhere near true perfection anyway. The only wholeness to be found is in Him, acknowledging that I am nothing without Him.

So, as I ready myself for the remainder of this calendar, my goal is to BE better-to rest in Him, to hand over every expectation and just live each moment with intention. He will take care of the rest.