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Jul 13, 2026 06:00am

Harmony by Design: A Lesson from Two House Finches

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A pair of house finches were hard at work building a nest on our back deck. My husband came in from turkey hunting one morning, and I was telling him about it. His first instinct was to tear it down. But as I told him what I had been seeing, he softened.

The female is hard at work bringing in pieces of grass to build the nest. And while she works, he sits on the wire and sings.

Now, you can look at this in two different ways. You could get all puffed up and mad, thinking, “Well, the woman is just doing all the work! He’s sitting on the wire, yelling at her, telling her what to do.”

Or…

You could see it for the beautiful relationship that it is.

They both have roles. She’s working to build the nest because she knows how close it is to welcoming their new babies. He is her protector. God designed him for this role. That’s why he is a bright red, and she’s a dull brown. He attracts attention away from her to protect her. He’s not shirking any duties. He’s standing guard. He’s watching and warning if there is any danger. And he’s not yelling at her or telling her what to do. His song becomes a serenade of love and encouragement.

Once I told my husband this, he was glued to the window. It was hard for him to see at first; our window was dirty, covered with spots and film that distorted our view. But once he looked past that, he kept watching them work, watching them carefully build their nest, and listening to the sweet bird sing to his bride.

Colossians 3:18–19

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.”

Paul, the writer of this letter to the Colossians, wasn’t a chauvinist. He wasn’t demanding that a wife be a doormat for her husband. He was encouraging husbands and wives to live out a marriage that is pleasing to God.

God designed men and women differently and gave them roles that only they could fulfill. He made men to be the head of the home, leading with sacrificial love as a provider and protector. Just like that beautiful house finch is a vibrant red to draw danger away from the nest, husbands are called to protect their wives. A man is to serve in that role and love his wife as Jesus served and loved the church. Jesus always put the needs of others before His own.

And ladies, we’ve been given a beautiful design as well. We are created with a unique capacity to care for our husbands, nurture our children, and help disciple our families in the home. Like that mama bird, we joyfully work to build a home where our family can flourish.

When we look past the spots—the distorted view the world wants to paint of marriage—and embrace God’s design for both husband and wife, understanding that we are both under the Lordship of Christ, we flourish.

The picture of marriage looks different. It isn’t controlling; it’s harmonious. It’s two people serving one another in the roles God lovingly designed.

Are you searching for that unity and harmony in your marriage? It begins with hearts fully surrendered to Christ. When He is Lord of both husband and wife, He enables each to love and serve the other according to His beautiful design.