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Mar 11, 2026 06:00am

Discipline or Nurture? God’s Design for Biblical Fatherhood

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There once was a…

Isn’t that how you know it’s going to be a good story? Just those four little words draw you in, and now you’re curious. There once was a what? A who?

Well, let me tell you.

There once was a man who decided to plant a small vineyard. He picked the perfect spot, tilled the soil, planted the vines, and watered the ground. There were several good, warm days where the sun was shining just right, and sprouts began to grow. The man could have just let them run wild, but he knew what would happen—they wouldn’t be as fruitful. He needed to put in some posts and lines to direct the vines as they grew. This would support the weight of the vine and its fruit when it finally matured.

He also knew about the dangers that threatened his vineyard—rabbits, deer, squirrels, and birds, all waiting to have their turn taking what they pleased. So, the man put up a fence—not to keep the vine from growing, but to keep it safe.

Every day, the man would go to the garden to tend his vineyard. He nurtured the vines with tender care. He cut away parts that needed to be removed. He redirected a vine that was twisted and growing in the wrong direction, and he watered it with just the right amount.

The animals weren’t the only predators he had to worry about. Pests started making webs and nests in the crooks of the vine. He knew he needed to spray his precious vineyard to keep all the pesky critters from chomping away, bit by bit, at his leaves and fruit.

After long days of caring for his vineyard, the man finally saw fruit growing. Every day, he watched it, cared for it, and tended to it.

The man enjoyed the fruit from his vine and was pleased. It was the best fruit he had ever tasted.

Now, what if we changed that fruit to a child and that man to a father?

Ephesians 6:4
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

Now read it in the King James Version:
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

I love comparing these two translations. Look at the word discipline in the first version. What comes to mind when you think of discipline? Does it feel harsh? Does it carry a negative connotation?

What if I used the word nurture to describe it? Does that make discipline feel different to you? To me, it does. That is where the beautiful image of the man and his vineyard comes to mind.

And the word instruction—I often think of rules to follow, commands given. But when we also add the word admonition, which means loving correction, there is a deeper understanding of what the writer intends to convey.

I think again of that man and his vineyard. I can imagine him moving the vine that was going the wrong direction and training it to run along a stronger line that would yield more fruit.

This passage of Scripture is a command for fathers as they raise their children. Why does it specifically address fathers and not mothers? Culture is important as we read Scripture.

God had given the role of head of the home to the father. In the culture in which they lived, the father would have been the primary one to discipline or correct the child.

But just as the man approached his vineyard, so should fathers approach parenthood. A father should offer loving correction and nurturing discipline when needed.

As parents, are we approaching our children as one who carefully tends a garden? Are we concerned with their spiritual health and the fruit they yield for the Lord?

Because that’s the heart of the verse. It’s not about correction and discipline so they simply become good men and women, but that they grow to respect and honor their earthly father and, ultimately, the Lord.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” — John 15:5

Do you want to know more about abiding in Christ? God has given us everything we need to live in a way that glorifies Him. Visit follow.lifeword.org to learn more. Also available in Spanish at follow.lifeword.org/Spanish.