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Mar 06, 2026 06:00am

Control, Submission, and the Car Ride That Changed My Heart

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Do you want to know what the hardest aspect of marriage is?

It’s not money or communication.

It’s letting him drive.

Seriously. This is the hardest thing.

We head to the car, and immediately I ask, “Do you want me to drive?” The answer is always, “No.”

We get in the car, and what’s the first thing that happens? I turn on the windshield wipers and clean the windshield. I try to do it before he gets around to the other side to open his door. Why? Because I know he doesn’t like to clean the windshield and “smear” more dirt, but I do.

Then, of course, I decide we need the defrost going. In all the amazing ways technology has advanced and the incredible features cars have now, why haven’t we figured that one out yet?

Naturally, I fog up the windshield, which makes the streaks look even worse—streaks left behind by my “necessary” cleaning.

“Sorry, I was just trying to help.”

We haven’t even made it out of the driveway yet.

“You can use your backup camera, you know.”

“Are your lights on?”

“Just checking, because I know sometimes you forget. How are we doing on gas? Do we need to get some while we’re in town?”

As I write this, I’m cringing. I can’t believe he goes anywhere with me.

The problem is, I feel like I need to be in control. Every little thing I mention or try to do to “help” is like saying, “I will do a better job. You’re not capable.”

And then it gets worse.

I justify what I do and say.

“Quit looking for deer and turkey and keep your eyes on the road. I’ll look for you.”

“I go to the left here so I’ll miss those potholes, but you can do whatever you want.”

Are you rolling your eyes at me yet? Because I am.

“You know it’s only fifty-five through here.”

“The speed limit changed back there. You can go faster.”

But wait—there’s more.

When we get where we’re going, we have to park. And apparently, there is absolutely no way he could know how to park.

“There’s a spot over there.”

“I’m not sure why you picked the space furthest from the door. The entrance is over there.”

“I would have pulled all the way forward so we can just drive out.”

“I wouldn’t have pulled all the way forward because we have to get stuff out of the back, and the lift gate will be close to whoever pulls in behind us.”

Women.

The real problem isn’t just our need for control. It’s that we are ignoring our true roles as wives.

What we’re really saying to our husbands is that we don’t trust them. And we’re not talking about just driving anymore. We’re talking about leadership in our family.

God’s idea for marriage is explained in Ephesians 5.

Ephesians 5:22–24
“22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.”

Yes. The word submit.

In our culture, that word carries such a negative connotation. But what is Paul saying? Are we supposed to be doormats?

No.

It means to willingly follow. To put his needs before our own. To honor him. To respect him.

And ultimately, to honor God.

A wife’s relationship to her husband reflects her relationship with the Lord. She is to treat her husband with the same respect she would show Jesus.

Can you imagine walking to the car and asking Jesus, “Do You want me to drive?” All those comments I throw at my husband—can you imagine saying them to God?

But in reality, we often do that spiritually, don’t we?

Now men, don’t get too comfortable. The Lord didn’t leave you out.

Ephesians 5:25–30
“25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.”

You have a sacred role as husbands, just as Christ does for His church. God entrusted you with your wife. You are called to lay down your life for her. You are to love and care for her as you love and care for yourself.

This is why she can willingly follow. This is why she can trust. Because you have submitted your life to the Lord and are loving her sacrificially.

Men, you are the spiritual leaders of your family by God’s design. Fulfilling that role requires a strong relationship with Christ—studying His Word, seeking His guidance, and praying faithfully.

This isn’t about control. It’s not about who’s right or who’s better.

It’s about God’s beautiful design for marriage.

When husband and wife live in biblical submission to Christ and to one another, they become one cohesive unit. It becomes a living picture of Christ and the church on display.

Ephesians 5:31–33
“31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Scripture reveals what’s happening in our hearts. It exposes sin and shows us how to move toward righteousness.

How can we do better? How can we honor our roles? How can we submit to our spouse and the Lord?

For me, it starts with turning over the keys, taking my husband by the hand, and saying, “I trust you to lead me well.”

If you need direction about what it looks like to follow Christ, visit follow.lifeword.org and watch free videos designed to help you know who Jesus is and how to walk with Him daily. Spanish resources are available at follow.lifeword.org/Spanish.