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Jul 24, 2025 13:04pm

Making Hard Decisions – Letters to My Children

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You’re reaching the point in life where you are going to have make tough decisions. By
“tough,” I don’t mean bad—I simply mean they are bigger decisions than you’ve had to
make before, which means bigger implications for your life. Decisions about if you will
go to college, where you will go to college, what kind of career path to follow, who you
will marry (if you decide to get married), where to live, etc. These types of decisions can
feel overwhelming because they are shaping your future. There’s fear of making the
wrong choice. So how do you decide?

First, examine through study and prayer if your choice would be violating a clear
command or principle of Scripture. A command is when God says Do this, or Don’t do
that. Think, “Don’t lie” or “Love your neighbor.” Principles are godly patterns of wisdom
we see in the Bible. Think, “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to
rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man”
(Proverbs 6:10–11). If your choice would go against God’s commandments, then you
should definitely not do it because you would be in sin. If it goes against a principle,
while it wouldn’t necessarily be sin, you should be severely cautious about doing it as
you may start to stray off the path of God’s Word.

Some practical examples of this in decision-making would be: if you’re thinking about
who you should marry, and you know the Bible says do not be unequally yoked with an
unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14), then marrying someone who doesn’t believe in Christ
as their Savior should be out of the question. If you’re trying to decide between two
colleges—one really expensive one and the other less expensive—and you know God
wants us to be good stewards of the money he has given us (or of your parents’
money), which choice would be wiser? The one that will immediately put you in
thousands of dollars of debt upon graduation, or the one that you could work to pay for
while you are in school? Neither one of those choices is inherently sinful, but there is
wisdom from the Word to consider.

Secondly, will the choice help you grow to become more like Christ? Part of the
Christian life is sanctification—growing in maturity of faith to the full stature of Christ, or
becoming less like the world and more like Jesus (Ephesians 4:13–14; Romans 12:2). A
practical example of using this to help you make decisions would be in choosing whichschool to go to or where to live for your job. Does the school you want to attend or the
city where you want to take a job have a healthy, gospel-preaching church nearby that
can disciple you and help you grow and stay strong in your faith? Or would you be
isolating yourself from the fellowship of believers who can help spur you on to love and
good works (Hebrews 10:24–25). That may be the last thing people think about when
they make choices like these (if they even think about it at all), but it is extremely
important.

Another thing to consider is: Have you sought godly wisdom from older, trusted
Christians? Remember my last letter about listening to advice? They may have lots of
life experience and spiritual wisdom to impart from years of doing the very things you
are seeking to do. Learn from them.

Finally, and most importantly, remember in all your decisions, that God is sovereign.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). He
will take you where he wants you to go, to the people he wants you to meet, and fulfill
the plans he has for you, all with his good for you in mind. You can’t mess this up. Even
when people in the Bible made bad choices (or had choices made for them that they
couldn’t control), God’s purposes were never challenged or changed. So you are free to
decide and trust the outcome to God. “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will
make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:6).

I love you. Grow in godliness and in your love for God.